Haiku-Juu Ni

Snow
Cold tiny drops fall
And slowly paint this place white
Pure and splendid view

I've just started planting

I have been greatly fascinated by the beauty of flowers. They are simply elegant. They are not like the grand trees that are so noticeable, yet, even in their simple little form, they present their own beauty.

And so, one of my all-time dream is to have my own flower garden. The problem is... I hate soil. Ok, not really the soil but the slimy creatures that creeps in it- the wormies. Arrrhhhggg!

 Actually, I can buy some flower plant and just take care of them, but another wish that I have is to really witness a seed grow into a plant, and then bloom, all under my care. I just don't know when it will happen. I like plants ok, but I don't like the dirty work. :P

THE START
So, just to be mature enough to really shake that phobia off, and to finally start this project, I made it a point to buy some seeds, soil, and other things needed for planting. I've been putting this off for over a year, and I know that I have to break the habit of putting things off, so I started it with this planting project.

This Monday, I was finally able to plant the snapdragon seeds I bought.

THE WAIT
Today is Friday, five days have passed since the planting. And five days have passed since my wait, to see tiny little leaves, but there's none. Ok, I'm exaggerating, I'm not really waiting, according to my research it takes about 2 weeks for the seeds to germinate, so I'm not reallyexpecting something this early.

But you know, everyday of watering the plant, and seeing nothing gives me an unpleasant feeling. It's like the feeling when you're not sure whether your effort will be worth it, whether you'll really see something grow from those dot-sized seeds. Sometimes I feel like I'm putting something into nothing.

So, it strikes me, that farmers and gardeners must be really patient people. Imagine how long they care and wait, to see the seed develop from a tiny grain into some plant, vegetable or flower.

They must be faithful too. I think it takes a lot of faith to believe in something that you can't see. Yes you can see the seed when you plant it, but the process that transforms that lifeless grain into a new life is invisible. You water the seed and does everything you need to do with it, but it takes faith too,the belief that your efforts and preparations will result in something- something that you've been hoping to see.

SO NOW...
So now I'm still on the process of waiting. I don't want to fret or anything if they would come sprouting or not. I guess, the only thing for me to do now is do my part, care for it and patiently wait.

4th Book: The Five People You Meet In Heaven

For starters, I commend Mitch Albom for having the courage to write a book that touches a sensitive topic- death and the concept of heaven. After, "Tuesdays with Morrie"  I felt like this would be a hit or miss business, granted the theme that he chose, but he took his chance anyway and I think it went well.

"Everyone has an idea of heaven as do most religions..." Albom said in his introduction. His was a guess, a wish in some ways that his uncle, and others like him, those people who felt unimportant here on earth realize finally, how much they mattered and how they were loved.

While his idea and mine are different, it's good to get to know his point of view. Why you meet those 'five people'. It's for them to shed light about the sense of your life on earth.

The story of Eddie, a war veteran and a maintenance at the Ruby Pier amusement park somehow made me think about life, experiences, and death. Eddie thought he just wasted his life away, being stuck in the Ruby Pier greasing and maintaining the rides, making sure they are safe for people to ride. He spent his life there, doing that menial work. And eventually he lost his life trying to save a little girl. He wasn't even sure if he did save her. All he know was in his afterlife, he would meet five people who will help him make sense of his life on earth.

These are some of lines that stuck me.

Strangers... are just family you have yet to come to know. -The blue man

No life is a waste...the only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are alone. - The blue man

Dying? Not the end of everything. We think it is. But what happens on earth is only the beginning. -The captain

Sacrifice is a part of life. It's supposed to be. It's not something to regret. It's something to aspire to. - The captain

Sometimes when you sacrifice something precious, you're not really losing it. You're just passing it on to someone else. -The captain

But our eyes are different. What you see ain't what I see. - The captain

Silence was his escape, but silence is rarely a refuge. -Ruby

Holding anger is a poison. It east you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves. -Ruby

Lost love is still love, Eddie. It takes a different form that's all. You can't see their smile or bring them food... but when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner.You nurture it.You hold it.You dance with it. -Marguerite

Life has to end... love doesn't. - Marguerite

(You're ) supposed to be there. You keep people safe. You make good for me. - Tala

Next in line: Lumayo ka nga sa akin  by Bob Ong (This wasn't the original next book but, my future sis-in-law lent it, so I have to read it fast, before she takes it back. lol)

Example French conversation

I just want to practice the word 'casser' which means to break. When I was memorizing the vocabulary, I always imagine breaking a glass, but then I always forget it. So I thought of something easier and the perfect answer - A heart. Of course.

So I made this simple conversation. I don't even know it it's perfectly correct. But hey, at least I tried.

A: Tu as cassé mon cœur quand tu l'as dit

B: Serieusement?

A: Bien sûr. pourquoi tu ne crois pas?!

B: Je suis desolé.

A: Je rigole. :P

[A: You broke my heart when you said it.

B: Seriously?

A: Of course. Why don't you believe?!

B: I'm sorry.

A: Just kidding.  ;P]

Remnants of being emo 2

This is the other poem I made. And when I read it I can't help but make side comments "Seriously, you felt this pathetic?!" Omg.. haha... I'm glad that time is so over now.

I’M A FOOL

I know I’m a fool
To still be wanting you now
I know it’s over
But letting you go
I can’t imagine how…

What the hell have you done to me?
I’m laughing and crying
I’m loving and hurting
And this twister of emotions
Just keep their cycle on me
In case you don’t know
Well, it’s because of you.

So what are we gonna do now?
Don’t just leave me this way
At least once, be kind enough
To see me…
See what you’ve done to me…

If you’re really leaving
I won’t force you to stay
But at least, just for once
Cease this pain I’m feeling
You know you’re my poison…
But then you’re also my remedy…

Long as I wish to
I know I can’t keep you mine forever
If I just have a power
Or any magic spell
I’d use all my might 
To make you just stay by my side

But if you still want to go
I’d let you
Even if It’ll hurt I’d let you…
I know for sure I’d die if I see you go
But don’t mind me
Coz I have been feeling this pain
The moment I started loving you…

You’re the source of my happiness
But you’re also the reason of my sadness
How can loving and wanting you 
Be so complicated
And the worst part of all is that
I don’t know if what you’ve shown was true
Or if you even feel the way I do…

This could be, "The poem for the broken hearted" or "The DABDA poem". Nurses will understand it immediately. Thas cycle of 'Denial-Anger-Bargaining-Depression-Acceptance' . Only here, I haven't accepted the situation yet.

Remnants of being emo 1

As my good friend Rozan starts to back up her multiply blogs account, I had this whim to visit mine too, and back up whatever I can find. As far as I remember I haven't really written anything there, so I just have to take care of the photos.

But lo and behold, when I visited my multiply blog page, I found two evidence of my luckless romance about 3 years ago. I can't believe I ever wrote poems during that time. Well, looking back, I think I might've had, but I already erased that in my memory.

Anyway, as I read my old poems, I can see how pathetic I had become, for a jerk. Here's the first poem.

STILL WAITING…

I’m still waiting for you
Why am I still waiting for you?
It hurts me so much
Thinking that you don’t care
What have I done?
Why are you letting me down?

How can you just ignore me
Letting a day pass without talking to me
Am I really not important?
I hope you can see
The misery you’ve done to me

My heart is screaming in pain
My eyes just dried up crying
And I feel so empty…

How many times have I told myself
That I’ll let you go… I’ll let you go
If that’s what you want me to do
But I don’t know why I’m still waiting
Why I’m still waiting for you…

Now after reading that, this is what I told myself.

Hey me 3 years ago,
 It's ok, I've moved on and I'm happy in my life now.
Love,
Me, in the present.

Haiku- Juu Ichi

In the evening sky
Pretty shapes you have
You watch me from up above
Lighting my way home.

I thought of this Haiku as I was walking home watching the stars and the moon in the sky. I usually go home  from work at 11pm. And when you go home late, it's not the most wonderful feeling, but I choose to make it wonderful. I find solace in looking above to see the beauty of the night sky, the moon and the blinking stars, as if telling me, they are there, and I'm not really walking alone.