Questions

"What do you want?" is the kind of question that leads the conversation to another question or even to an infinity of questions once it is answered.

"What do you want me to do to make you feel better?" is the kind of question that will make you wonder if the person really cares for you or just want to get things over and done with. Of course, you may argue that it depends on context. Yes, it does.

"What do you want to happen?" is that kind of question that will make you question your own answer. It is something that you really want or are the words that come out of your mouth different from what is in your heart?

"Can I give you a hug?" is the kind of question that can make you cry in an instant, especially when you are trying so hard to keep yourself from falling into pieces.

"Can we start over?" is the kind of question that either makes you believe in a second chance or in the saying "enough is enough," I still believe that everyone deserves a second chance, a clean slate in which one can rebuild his or her life without having to use the old crumbled foundation. However, I

Feeling so emo....

I am so sorry for not being able to update this little space in this virtual world. I guess I just got so caught up in the realm of reality (and school) that I forgot I can find an escape, a solace, in this place.

Well, I am still not going to write anything except for this my feeling lol. Perhaps "If I told you" by Plain White T's is the closest song that can describe it.

Feeling hopeful for 2014

Stop thinking that we've lost our chance and time. Everything happens for a reason. Life is not all about years that pass by. It's about how we live, how we dream, and how we make our existence meaningful. Let's welcome 2014 with new hope. :)

Credits: image 1, image 2 

I can't dream anymore, since you left...

I just blurted out this song out of nowhere. I guess I miss listening to New Found Glory, or I guess, I can relate to this one.

These are the words I held back as I was leaving too soon...

...now I wonder if I will see you again.  : |

Image from here.
Video from here.

I'm a victim of that crazy moon

So the lyrics of Swept Away goes. Or maybe, I'm more of a victim of my crazy mood because I just can't get this song off my head today.

Well, I'm glad that I'd be repeating this song of love instead of an emo one.

Originally by Christopher Cross, now here's a version of Dianne Elise:

Samgyeopsal

I'm not a pork lover. In fact when I was young I really didn't eat it.
So I'm a bit picky when it comes to pork. I only eat small cuts, and fried pork- or something that is well done.

So the first time I was invited to eat samgyeopsal in a Korean place, I was hesitant because it has pork. But when I tasted it,  surprisingly it tastes so good. Maybe because, the pork is wrapped with lettuce or because it is grilled.

Now it has become a favorite dish. Thinking of it even makes my mouth water.

Rice, ssamjang and other condiments.

My first post in 2013 on this special day

As this is a very special day to me, I wouldn't let it go without marking it on my blog.

 

I just thank God that He continue to bless me with my life for a quarter of a century now, continue to guide me and help me get through my troubles, and best, continue to be by my side. And so, I'll share one of my personal favorite verses:

Why I like this verse:

This is really a wake up call whenever I feel so weak or afraid about the circumstances in my life. Let me tell you what I think about this verse:

 Like the lion, the king of the jungle that fears nothing, God is commanding us to be strong and courageous.

In this verse, two of the main weaknesses of human beings were also mentioned: being afraid and being discouraged. When we become afraid, we become paralyzed, we can't think straight, and often, we cower in the face of adversity. When we become discouraged, our hope dies and when it dies, we lose the will to continue.

Feeling these two negative emotions are normal, but we don't need to get stuck on that, because thankfully, God has a promise for us.

The question is not "how" can we be strong and courageous and how can we stop the fear and discouragement, buy "why"?

Why can we do it? It's because He said: "... the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

The point is we are not going alone! God promises to be there with us. There is no need to feel afraid or discouraged, because we know that we have something with us far more powerful than our fears and dismays- it's God.  

For us to be able to overcome the obstacles and challenges in our lives and succeed, we have to have faith in Him, and like soldiers obeying their commander's command, we have to be strong and courageous. 

Credits:
Photo from here.
Second photo from here.

Ayala Triangle Gardens Lights and Sounds Show 2012

Before the year is over, I'm glad I was able to witness this beautiful display of lights at Ayala Triangle Gardens.  I don't know why, but even though I live in Makati, I still don't get a chance to go there. This is an annual event sponsored by Makati City, free to all! Cool right? I think it starts in December from 6 to 9pm, with 30 minutes interval.  It has a Tagalog and English version. 

All I can say is I love the Lights and Sounds!

Here's the video for the Filipino Christmas songs. 

My 8-week countdown

I should've known I couldn't get away easily. Despitewhat my bosses told me that they would let me out soon, (for health reasons), I'm still here, alive and kicking, doing the part time job.

So here I am, from the original end of contract in October 31st, I have been obliged to extend until the end of December this year, much to their pleading, and then to my wavering resolve.

Just to keep me sane, and optimistic about the turn of events, I'm naming it as my 8-week countdown. It feels better to count weeks with one digit, than to count days and come up with two digits.

During the following weeks, I would expect less sleeping hours and more eyebags, in the name of addinal income. Not bad right? Well, I liked this, so I might as well pull myself together and do it until completion.

If truth be told 
If truth be told, I'm starting to enjoy it too. With the additional income and amiable students, I think this account is good.

Plus, you know, when you travel early in the morning, you get a glimpse of life, that is not there in the busy hours. As for me, I enjoy seeing the moon, the Christmas lights along Ayala Avenue, and the empty street on my way to the office.

Perks of an early bird 
This month, the full moon was so magnificent. It looked so near, so big and so bright. As I was crossing the footbridge in Guadalupe I saw it in full view, directly on top of the building. It gives that 3d atmosphere where the building is illuminated against the dark sky. Really that was one of the most beautiful things this month. (Just a pity, I wasn't able to capture it. I couldn't risk my safety taking picture in that place.)

The Christmas lights in Ayala avenue are always a delight every year. If I remember correctly, last year, they looked like icicles dangling in the trees. This year, they made some leafleas bushes and trees out of some twigs and branches, colored it white and filled it with Christmas lights. They also dress the palm trees with round body of white lights, the result: magnificent.

Of course, the near-empty street (although this could be a disadvantage too, but I focus on the positive). Why do I like it? Well, I can skip, hop, run, sing, and walk whatever way I want without a care as to what another person might be thinking of me.

So, what's the problem?
I guess the major downside is really just the time. Still, I believe than a complete 6 to 8-hour sleep is better. Our body needs to recover from the daily grind, and it just asks a basic thing-sleep.

And with my schedule of arriving home at 11:30 and being able to finally sleep at 12, and waking up at 3:20 (repeat the process every morning) I know it is definitely not a healthy lifestyle.

So, I'm looking forward to this countdown. I hope I would be able to enjoy life as I count. ^^

3 days and counting

It has been just three days since I started my 5am-9am part-time job as and online English teacher, yet the onset of fatigue and lack of sleep is already creeping in me. I didn't know it would feel like this.

I actually have a full time online teaching job from 2pm to 11pm, late enough to make you want to get up later the next morning. Yet, I don't know why... or maybe I wasn't thinking straight when I signed up for my company's part time offer. The heck, I think all I thought about was the non-taxable salary. I even convinced myself that I am strong and disciplined enough to do it.

If you ask me, I prefer to sleep late than wake up very early. Sleeping late is like pushing yourself to the limit. How many hours you can stay awake. But waking up before your circadian clock tells you to do so is like disrupting your body's natural recovery process. Maybe that's why it requires more effort.

Three days ago, I was happy with my routine'waking up around 8 or 9am, exercising,studying french or watching TV. But now, all of those were things in the past. As soon as my alarm hit 3, I wake up. I have to anyway, prepare, travel and work from 5 until 9.

I get back home after that. (A 20 min. ride from work, thanks to my father's kindness to pick me up in the morning, and evening) As soon as I hit the bed, I go to autosleep mode until 11:30 am. After that, I wake up again and prepare for my 2pm work. Then the cycle repeats.

So in total, I think I just have about 5 hours of sleeping time! OMG! That's even less than the recommended.
This is surely a challenge. Maybe something more than I can chew. But,it's already here. All I can do now is just do it.

Hi Blood

I just saw this medicine box a while ago, and I feel that I just have to write something about it, as it definitely amused me.

It's not just because of the wrong spelling of what was supposed to be "High", but I couldn't help my imaginations. Something like:

Box: Hi Blood!
Blood: Hi there Box!

Oh there, sometimes I really find humor in the simplest things. But I guess that's just fine. ;]

It pays to be persistent

Today, I'm supposed to finish coloring a different drawing, but my little sis was very persistent in asking me to make a cover for her computer program. So I ended up doing her bidding for the last couple of hours. 

Now this is a good example of how persistence pays. (Luke 11:5-10)

Anyway's there's what she asked me to do. Hope I'll finish up her other drawings in no time.

"Hi!" says the bear.

How do you view mistakes?

In life there will be a lot of times when we make bad decisions, stupid mistakes, and wrong moves. More often we get knocked down by the consequences of our actions. 

In that case, what will you do? How will you respond? Will you just lie there and make a monument of that moment or will you get up, brush yourself up and continue forward? It can be disheartening to see the grave consequences of our mistakes,of our wrong decisions.

 I believe though, that it's part of life, part of the learning process to make us stronger and wiser.We may make a lot of mistakes in our lifetime, but if we look closely, these bad things can turn out for the good. We just have to find it.We have to find the lesson behind our bad decisions and mistakes, learn and remember them, so that the experience will not be wasted.

They said that experience is a hard teacher. True enough, aside from giving the test first before teaching the lesson; experience gives the same test over and over until you learn.

 No wonder sometimes we end up in a similar situation in the past, or repeat a history, it's because we refuse to learn the lesson mistakes offer.

 I believe that we don't always have to experience things first-hand. Other people can serve as guide to us. Look at their lives, how they handle mistakes or bad decisions and see what you can learn. We could face the same tests as they did, and it would be much wiser to learn from others than be a fool to go through the same ordeal yourself.

We cannot shun mistakes, it will pop out once in a while, to teach us lessons, to make us think. Yes, it's okay to blame ourselves for a while, but never let it paralyze you. Instead of cursing it, loosen up a bit, learn to laugh and make sure to learn from it.

The Law of Diminishing Intent

I read this in a newsletter from a bookshop. I think I just ought to share it. This article is a wake up call for us. Act now, or else, you'll fall prey to the law of diminishing intent. Here's the whole bit of it:

The Time to Act by Jim Rohn
Engaging in genuine discipline requires that you develop the ability to take action. You don’t need to be hasty if it isn’t required, but you don’t want to lose much time either. Here’s the time to act: when the idea is hot and the emotion is strong.

Let’s say you would like to build your library. If that is a strong desire for you, what you’ve got to do is get the first book. Then get the second book. Take action as soon as possible, before the feeling passes and before the idea dims. If you don’t, here’s what happens…


You fall prey to the law of diminishing intent.

We intend to take action when the idea strikes us. We intend to do something when the emotion is high. But if we don’t translate that intention into action fairly soon, the urgency starts to diminish. A month from now the passion is cold. A year from now it can’t be found.

So take action. Set up a discipline when the emotions are high and the idea is strong, clear, and powerful. If somebody talks about good health and you’re motivated by it, you need to get a book on nutrition. Get the book before the idea passes, before the emotion gets cold. Begin the process. Fall on the floor and do some push-ups. You’ve got to take action; otherwise the wisdom is wasted. The emotion soon passes unless you apply it to a disciplined activity. Discipline enables you to capture the emotion and the wisdom and translate them into action. The key is to increase your motivation by quickly setting up the disciplines. By doing so, you’ve started a whole new life process.

Here is the greatest value of discipline: self-worth, also known as self-esteem. Many people who are teaching self-esteem these days don’t connect it to discipline. But once we sense the least lack of discipline within ourselves, it starts to erode our psyche. One of the greatest temptations is to just ease up a little bit. Instead of doing your best, you allow yourself to do just a little less than your best. Sure enough, you’ve started in the slightest way to decrease your sense of self-worth.

There is a problem with even a little bit of neglect. Neglect starts as an infection. If you don’t take care of it, it becomes a disease. And one neglect leads to another. Worst of all, when neglect starts, it diminishes our self-worth.

Once this has happened, how can you regain your self-respect? All you have to do is act now! Start with the smallest discipline that corresponds to your own philosophy. Make the commitment: “I will discipline myself to achieve my goals so that in the years ahead I can celebrate my successes.”

I have a thing about archers

I don't know when it started. This may be an influence from my childhood immersion in anime, but it can't be helped. I'm really into archers.

Swordsman and strong and courageous, but they fight on the frontline, and I think it's more dangerous. Using bow and arrow on the other hand allows you to hide, shoot from afar, and hit (if you have a good aim). And I just think it's a really kick-ass thing, to hit the target from a distance. So, I can't help but be amazed whenever I see archers, in animation or movies.

Magic knight rayearth - Animone (Fuu)

She's that silent-type, of all the three protagonists in this anime. But she's the first earliest archer I have followed. ( I really can't recall my earliest memory of Robin Hood animation well enough.)

Before they had their magical weapons, they were given ordinary ones, and Fuu took the bow and arrow. The thing I remember most about her character was the time when, they need to defeat something, and they can't get near it. Only she has the chance to hit it with her arrow, but she was too reluctant of her ability. But, good thing, she was able to gather her confidence and do it.

Inuyasha - Kagome

If it hadn't been for Kagome, unwittingly hitting and shattering the magic crystal, they wouldn't go through all those hard time gathering it again. But there would be no story either.

Anyway, Kagome is fearless in most circumstances. Not only she's an archer, she is also an adept swimmer.

The Lord of the Rings - Legolas

Orlando Bloom as Legolas, is my first ever absolute archer crush. I wouldn't even watch this movie, if it weren't for him. I consciously avoid movies with the hint of violence, because I avoid the nightmare that follows me at night. But because of him, playing Legolas, I was able to stand it. He's a definition of awesome.

The hunger games - Katniss

I have yet to read the book, but I have already watched the movie. A female protagonist. A female acher protagonist. Cool! Her character is strong, she has the survivor aura. I think Jennifer Lawrence portrayed  her character very well.

The Avengers - Hawkeye

And of course, the latest movie 'The Avengers'. Jeremy Renner's portrayal of Hawkeye is another awesome thing that really made me write this entry. He was really convincing. There were lots of super heroes in the movie, and Chris Evans is a really handsome Captain America, but it was hawkeye's move who I was wishing to see on the screen- why? Because he is one heck of an archer. :P

I've just started planting

I have been greatly fascinated by the beauty of flowers. They are simply elegant. They are not like the grand trees that are so noticeable, yet, even in their simple little form, they present their own beauty.

And so, one of my all-time dream is to have my own flower garden. The problem is... I hate soil. Ok, not really the soil but the slimy creatures that creeps in it- the wormies. Arrrhhhggg!

 Actually, I can buy some flower plant and just take care of them, but another wish that I have is to really witness a seed grow into a plant, and then bloom, all under my care. I just don't know when it will happen. I like plants ok, but I don't like the dirty work. :P

THE START
So, just to be mature enough to really shake that phobia off, and to finally start this project, I made it a point to buy some seeds, soil, and other things needed for planting. I've been putting this off for over a year, and I know that I have to break the habit of putting things off, so I started it with this planting project.

This Monday, I was finally able to plant the snapdragon seeds I bought.

THE WAIT
Today is Friday, five days have passed since the planting. And five days have passed since my wait, to see tiny little leaves, but there's none. Ok, I'm exaggerating, I'm not really waiting, according to my research it takes about 2 weeks for the seeds to germinate, so I'm not reallyexpecting something this early.

But you know, everyday of watering the plant, and seeing nothing gives me an unpleasant feeling. It's like the feeling when you're not sure whether your effort will be worth it, whether you'll really see something grow from those dot-sized seeds. Sometimes I feel like I'm putting something into nothing.

So, it strikes me, that farmers and gardeners must be really patient people. Imagine how long they care and wait, to see the seed develop from a tiny grain into some plant, vegetable or flower.

They must be faithful too. I think it takes a lot of faith to believe in something that you can't see. Yes you can see the seed when you plant it, but the process that transforms that lifeless grain into a new life is invisible. You water the seed and does everything you need to do with it, but it takes faith too,the belief that your efforts and preparations will result in something- something that you've been hoping to see.

SO NOW...
So now I'm still on the process of waiting. I don't want to fret or anything if they would come sprouting or not. I guess, the only thing for me to do now is do my part, care for it and patiently wait.

Example French conversation

I just want to practice the word 'casser' which means to break. When I was memorizing the vocabulary, I always imagine breaking a glass, but then I always forget it. So I thought of something easier and the perfect answer - A heart. Of course.

So I made this simple conversation. I don't even know it it's perfectly correct. But hey, at least I tried.

A: Tu as cassé mon cœur quand tu l'as dit

B: Serieusement?

A: Bien sûr. pourquoi tu ne crois pas?!

B: Je suis desolé.

A: Je rigole. :P

[A: You broke my heart when you said it.

B: Seriously?

A: Of course. Why don't you believe?!

B: I'm sorry.

A: Just kidding.  ;P]

Remnants of being emo 2

This is the other poem I made. And when I read it I can't help but make side comments "Seriously, you felt this pathetic?!" Omg.. haha... I'm glad that time is so over now.

I’M A FOOL

I know I’m a fool
To still be wanting you now
I know it’s over
But letting you go
I can’t imagine how…

What the hell have you done to me?
I’m laughing and crying
I’m loving and hurting
And this twister of emotions
Just keep their cycle on me
In case you don’t know
Well, it’s because of you.

So what are we gonna do now?
Don’t just leave me this way
At least once, be kind enough
To see me…
See what you’ve done to me…

If you’re really leaving
I won’t force you to stay
But at least, just for once
Cease this pain I’m feeling
You know you’re my poison…
But then you’re also my remedy…

Long as I wish to
I know I can’t keep you mine forever
If I just have a power
Or any magic spell
I’d use all my might 
To make you just stay by my side

But if you still want to go
I’d let you
Even if It’ll hurt I’d let you…
I know for sure I’d die if I see you go
But don’t mind me
Coz I have been feeling this pain
The moment I started loving you…

You’re the source of my happiness
But you’re also the reason of my sadness
How can loving and wanting you 
Be so complicated
And the worst part of all is that
I don’t know if what you’ve shown was true
Or if you even feel the way I do…

This could be, "The poem for the broken hearted" or "The DABDA poem". Nurses will understand it immediately. Thas cycle of 'Denial-Anger-Bargaining-Depression-Acceptance' . Only here, I haven't accepted the situation yet.

Remnants of being emo 1

As my good friend Rozan starts to back up her multiply blogs account, I had this whim to visit mine too, and back up whatever I can find. As far as I remember I haven't really written anything there, so I just have to take care of the photos.

But lo and behold, when I visited my multiply blog page, I found two evidence of my luckless romance about 3 years ago. I can't believe I ever wrote poems during that time. Well, looking back, I think I might've had, but I already erased that in my memory.

Anyway, as I read my old poems, I can see how pathetic I had become, for a jerk. Here's the first poem.

STILL WAITING…

I’m still waiting for you
Why am I still waiting for you?
It hurts me so much
Thinking that you don’t care
What have I done?
Why are you letting me down?

How can you just ignore me
Letting a day pass without talking to me
Am I really not important?
I hope you can see
The misery you’ve done to me

My heart is screaming in pain
My eyes just dried up crying
And I feel so empty…

How many times have I told myself
That I’ll let you go… I’ll let you go
If that’s what you want me to do
But I don’t know why I’m still waiting
Why I’m still waiting for you…

Now after reading that, this is what I told myself.

Hey me 3 years ago,
 It's ok, I've moved on and I'm happy in my life now.
Love,
Me, in the present.